There is one single communication rule that 10x the quality of my conversations.

Whether I'm speaking with loved ones, clients, my network, or myself, it has changed my life.

It is so basic that every small child could learn it (and I think the world would be a better place if they did).

And, at the same time, it is so powerful that it will completely shift your conversations.

Let's dive in.👇

Have you ever shared a thought or an idea with someone, and been hit with a "Yes, but..."?

For example:

"Yes, great idea, but we don't have the resources for that."

"Yes, you're right, but we've tried that before."

"Yes, I get it... but I see it this way..."

If you've experienced this – no matter what followed next – it probably didn't feel great.

The rule is simple: replace your but with and. 

Here's why:

The word 'but' forces us to choose one option or the other.

When you say 'Yes, but', you signal opposition to the idea, even if you first respond in agreement (with your Yes).

To the listener, it's like the first part of your sentence didn't exist.

As a result, 'Yes, but' can make us feel dismissed, challenged and judged – even when that's not the intention.

Not only can this lead to conflict, it can also stifle innovation and problem solving.

'Yes, but' leads to a dead-end.

In contrast, the word 'and' allows two options to co-exist. 

It says: both of these things are true at the same time.

That's how it opens the door for collaboration and solution finding.

Here's what you communicate when you use 'Yes, and': Acceptance, inclusion, acknowledgement, encouragement.

For example:

"Yes, I get it... and here's what else I see..."

"Yes, that's a great idea, and let's make sure we take a close look at what resources we need."

'Yes, and' isn't about agreeing with everything.

It is about being open to possibilities.

Reminding yourself to say 'yes, and' is a tool to build upon ideas, foster deeper connections, and turn challenges into opportunities for growth.

And that includes (perhaps most importantly so), the conversations you have with yourself.

Changing your internal dialogue from 'Yes, but' to 'Yes, and' can transform self-doubt into self-empowerment.

For example, if you're thinking "This new service could be great, but I'm not sure I can pull it off."

Try shifting that to, "This new service could be great, and I can always get some input or help to make it happen."

How you fill in the second part after the sentence (everything after the 'and') doesn't actually matter so much.

Because regardless of the details, that part of the sentence will be more geared towards solutions than anything following a 'but’.

It might seem like just a small change, but the difference this one little word can make to the quality of your conversations can't be overstated.

It's simple, but it's not easy. 

To implement, that is. 

It is very, very easy to forget.

So I made you a little cheat sheet below. 👇

Here's your challenge:

I'm willing to bet that you say "Yes, but" more often (and more automatically) than you think.

If you've never tried this before (and even if you have), I challenge you to pay attention to the number of times you hear or say "Yes, but..." this week.

Go beyond keeping count. Each time it happens, explore:
 

• What does it do to you? How are you feeling now?
• What do you notice in the response of the other(s) involved?

Yes, it's a small change. And it might change your life.

Rooting for you,

Charlotte