MARCH 6, 2024
I guarantee you one thing – and it will change your life
I want to make you a guarantee that will change your life (don’t blame the messenger):
If you do anything remotely outside your comfort zone, you will fail.
I know you want some guarantee that you won’t fail (I’ve been there), but really failure is the guarantee.
It will happen. It is a given.
Your power does not lie in preventing failure, it lies in the way you manage and interpret the uncomfortable feelings that come with it.
Because of course failure feels uncomfortable – reaaaaally uncomfortable.
But what needs to happen here is the effective emotional regulation of that uncomfortable feeling, not some fool-proofing, guaranteeing or aborting of the plan.
Let’s do a quick detour on emotional intelligence, shall we?
Emotions 101
Many people consider certain emotions to be "good", while others are "bad".
We base that judgment on whether or not the sensation / experience of that emotion is pleasant or unpleasant.
Sadness doesn't feel nice, so it's bad. Joy feels nice, so it's good.
But these so-called "negative" emotions are valuable, providing important information about our needs and our surroundings.
Sometimes it's important for us to experience something unpleasant as part of a process that can lead toward something positive.
Sometimes, unpleasant emotions help us form arguments by thinking in more detail and more carefully.
Sometimes they can improve our memory and encourage perseverance.
Back to you failing...
Uncomfortable feelings are just that, uncomfortable feelings.
But because our thoughts and emotions are interconnected, we often give meaning to an uncomfortable emotion in a way that doesn’t serve us.
For example, let’s say you push your comfort zone and hold a presentation on a subject you’re passionate about (wohoo, go you!)
Aaaand...
It flops.
People don’t get it.
You’re asked critical questions, no one applauds.
At this moment, you may feel the uncomfortable emotion of embarrassment (at least I would).
That just is.
But notice how different the situation becomes with these two interpretations:
1) You feel the embarrassment (as a sensation in your body) – maybe you start blushing, get sweaty palms, have a racing heart. Then, you think “I made a fool of myself. What was I thinking? What a stupid idea to even talk about this. I am such a loser.”
2) You feel the embarrassment (as a sensation in your body) – maybe you start blushing, get sweaty palms, have a racing heart. Then, you think “Huh, it’s awkward that no one is connecting with this. I know this is an important topic, and while it definitely wasn’t perfect, I think my delivery was good enough to understand the point. Maybe this is the wrong audience?”
See the difference?
The first interpretation exacerbates the uncomfortable feeling, has you identifying with and using it to create (or support) the story (!) that you are a failure.
You experience the same uncomfortable feeling in the second version, but with this interpretation you are much more likely to keep trying. You might sit down to analyze the presentation, tweak it for a better delivery, or choose a different audience.
Accepting failure as the guarantee saves you from making it mean anything about yourself.
If failure is expected, you are just a regular human being when you experience it.
You will fail.
But you are not a failure. You are not on the wrong path. You are right on track and failing – as expected.
With this understanding, all you’re left with is the uncomfortable feeling that arises when things don’t go your way.
The uncomfortable feeling just is. Your power lies in the interpretation.
Rooting for you,
Charlotte
P.S. If you're looking to start your own business, but are stuck in your own head, I have a new free workbook to help you through the 3 biggest mental barriers holding you back. Grab it here.
And whenever you’re ready, here's how I can support you:
1. Book a VIP Week. In record time, we’ll uncover your unique barriers and get you light-years ahead. No fluff, just real, personalized guidance tailored for you. Click here to learn more.
2. If you’re a busy founder looking for more success and sanity in 2024, join me for 1:1 business coaching. Working with me isn't just about scaling your business or brand, it's about scaling you. I’ve helped countless clients navigate their entrepreneurial path with clarity, ease and confidence. Don't settle for the hustle-norm, and redefine success with balance at its heart. Apply here.
Subscribe to the Newsletter
Join thousands of readers getting actionable tips and strategies on mental mastery, lifestyle design and solopreneurship every Wednesday. Why wait for the weekend?
Hi, I'm Charlotte. I help ambitious women start and grow online businesses that aren't just successful, but also provide joy and freedom.
Time freedom.
Location freedom.
Financial freedom.
But most of all, mental freedom.
Create your life
by design.
Join us.
© 2024 themindfriend OÜ. All Rights Reserved.