What does success mean to you? 

It's a deeply personal question, but society often prescribes a one-size-fits-all answer: impressive job titles, financial wealth, and a life of luxury.

Your ‘default’ understanding of success is heavily influenced by your birthplace, upbringing, family, and peers.

There are messages that subtly suggest who you are, what you’re capable of, and what you should strive for to be deemed successful.

The problem is that most people never stop to question whether that narrative is true for them. 

But you know what else isn’t hard to see: most people are dragging themselves through life, waiting for the day they’ll finally be successful enough to be happy.

So many of us – too many of us – are going through the motions, pretending everything is fine. We cling on to the idea that we just need to achieve X, and then we can finally be happy. 

If the core promise of success is happiness (and in society it is): 

Why do so many people feel unfulfilled even after 'making it'?

Because the traditional markers of success – the high-status job, the big bank account, the material possessions – don't necessarily lead to fulfillment.

The thing is, psychology teaches us that happiness and fulfillment don’t really align with that default version of success. 

In fact, psychology teaches us that we are incredibly bad at predicting what will make us happy.

To find fulfillment, we need to prioritize intrinsic values like personal growth, relationships, and community contribution over extrinsic ones like wealth, fame, and image. 

Why? Because when we work from such alignment, we can enjoy the process, not just the outcome. 

This is crucial, because remember how I just said we are incredibly bad at predicting what will make us happy? 

Too often we pursue things that don’t end up making us happy. We sacrifice now for later, only to find that later doesn’t deliver the happiness it promised. 

And even if we do achieve something where the outcome truly does make us happy, the happiness is usually short-lived. 

Or have you never achieved a goal, celebrated for a moment, and then quickly moved onto the next one? 

As humans, we have an incredible ability to get used to anything, even that shiny outcome we worked so hard for. (See: hedonic adaptation)

We’ll only feel more content by leaning into our authenticity enough to enjoy the ride itself.

Let me be very clear: that doesn't mean ignoring all external factors.

Many people think of this as a strange polarity: you either have financial success, or you focus on doing things you enjoy. 

“Be realistic”, they say, when you talk about wanting to do something you enjoy for work.

The reality is this: there have never been more opportunities to make a great living while doing something that’s actually aligned (more on this next week!)

So I’m not saying forget about your income. 

I’m also not suggesting that you should stop setting goals and only live in the moment.

I'm saying that if it is fulfillment that you want, you will only find it in what is for you. 

In a pursuit (yes, the process) and a version of success that is intrinsically motivating and aligned for you.

Here are some questions to ask yourself.

Don't expect to have an immediate answer. Be ready to do some digging.

• How does my environment (people, places, work setting) influence my sense of success and fulfillment?
• If outside expectations weren’t a factor, what life would I be boldly stepping into? 
• What does 'wealth' mean to me beyond financial metrics?
• What are my values? If, at the end of my life, people could only say three things about me, what would I want them to be? 
• What sacrifices am I making in the pursuit of success, and are they worth what I'm seeking to achieve?

If, after honest introspection, you find that you really do align with society’s version of success, then great. By all means, go after that. 

Entrepreneurship isn't for everyone, and neither is a 9 to 5. Travel isn’t for everyone, and neither is staying in your hometown. 

There are so many different, equally valid, ways to live life, and among those there is your unique expression of what is right for you. 

Be very wary of people who tell you there is only one right option. 

There is never just one option.

The crux of the matter is the questioning. 

Don't just take the cultural, societal, parental, peer or media messaging given to you as if it's truly your own. 

Don't just take on the default. 

Be brave enough to question it. And create the definition yourself. 

Rooting for you,

Charlotte